1. Moped Collision
A long-time favourite. A train-spotter’s death at a blistering 20km per hour.
2. Rooftop Stilt Disco
Deadly boogiedown. Music by Earth, Wind & Fire, and The Pointer Sisters.
3. Pylon Piss Fight
Electricity pylon tightrope, with opponents crazed and bladder brimful with Tennants’ Special.
4. Mobster Cuckoldry
An ill-advised dashboard tryst with a hoop-earringed, stretch-denimed, pink-lipsticked mafia poppie* in the South of Jo’burg, that ends in boot of same car at the bottom of Wemmer Pan.
5. Elvis Heart Attack
Fat, bloated on the toilet after a Krakatoa Richter-scale bowel movement.
6. Anchorchute
Sky-diving variant with parachute replaced by a six-ton anchor.
7. Predetermined Russian Roulette
Gun fun with six live rounds and no empty chambers.
8. Commuter Train Roof-surfing
Decapitation by overhead wires a possibility. Death after disgruntled commuters regularly burn down the trains that get them to work a certainty.
*Tart, Slapper. Sexual junk food.
5 comments:
I love, love, love your definition of "poppie" - sexual junk food. Had me sniggering loudly. Which I need today. Don't, please, go anchorchuting, the world needs you x
And which are you aiming for?
or get shot in the tummy by a stray bullet whilst sipping a kili after work. x j
floor - me - on - laughing
black humour will do that to you.
7. Aka. Serbian Semi-automatic Suicide.
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