Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Photocopy Your Tits and Win!


This could be you.

Calling all bored secretaries, listless housewives, mousey librarians, and cider-crazed varsity girls. Leery of speed-dating, wary of online hook-ups? Allow me to steer your attention to a more subtle, nuanced manner of boy-meets-girl.

What to Do
Photocopy your man toys and fax them to 555-447-5965. Taking care not to obscure any pertinent details, write your name and number, preferably in candy apple red lipstick. Or just scan the twins at 300dpi and mail the pics to fushandchips@gmail.com. Extra points will be given to colour pics.

The Grand Prize
The owner of the most jugalicious set of devil’s dumplings gets to prepare a home-cooked meal for yours truly, fushandchips. Sit back and enjoy urbane conversation, ham-fisted attempts at flirtation, and the rather unsettling presence of the mute Moroccan boy in the background.

The Small Print
No chancers or gatecrashers: said breasty dumplings will be verified against a print of the winning entry.

You will be unfortunately automatically disqualified if:
  • Photocopying your arse requires an A3 scanner
  • You use aubergine as ingredient in anything
  • You are my ex girlfriend, P

10 comments:

Mud in the City said...

Soooo nearly tempted, but sadly the office photocopier has gone on the blink.

What a shame....

Joanne said...

bladdy hell was planning to use aubergines as my dumplings!! Looks great on the office photocopier in sepia - your loss.....

Mr Sched said...

Are man boobs allowed?......I can wax.

fush and chips said...

Mr Sched,
No.

Chimera said...

Like Mud was sooo tempted... but then I couldn't find the right colour of lipstick to write my name.
very funny post and have fowarded link to Ms. G. Greer. Jolly good.
T xx

Miranda said...

Ah, I would love to but I fear its not really what you're looking for. Although they have tripled in size over the past ten days (amazingly achieved without surgery) my boobs are leaky and sore and come with a small baby attached. So I'll be off then....

Shiny said...

Oh, how I'd have loved to have entered, but were I to win the Grand Prize, I don't know how to prepare a home-cooked meal. I just can't risk it. Bugger. x

fush and chips said...

Shiny,
I'm sure you and Mrs Woolworths would have done none too shabby.

tam said...

the zoom function was broken on my photocopier.

fush and chips said...

Tam,
He he he.

Please try again, zoom function or no. More than a handful is wasted, as they say.