1. Moped Collision
A long-time favourite. A train-spotter’s death at a blistering 20km per hour.
2. Rooftop Stilt Disco
Deadly boogiedown. Music by Earth, Wind & Fire, and The Pointer Sisters.
3. Pylon Piss Fight
Electricity pylon tightrope, with opponents crazed and bladder brimful with Tennants’ Special.
4. Mobster Cuckoldry
An ill-advised dashboard tryst with a hoop-earringed, stretch-denimed, pink-lipsticked mafia poppie* in the South of Jo’burg, that ends in boot of same car at the bottom of Wemmer Pan.
5. Elvis Heart Attack
Fat, bloated on the toilet after a Krakatoa Richter-scale bowel movement.
Sky-diving variant with parachute replaced by a six-ton anchor.
7. Predetermined Russian Roulette
Gun fun with six live rounds and no empty chambers.
8. Commuter Train Roof-surfing
Decapitation by overhead wires a possibility. Death after disgruntled commuters regularly burn down the trains that get them to work a certainty.
*Tart, Slapper. Sexual junk food.