Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Synchronised Swimming Pool Totty

My ex possessed an arse so massive her beach swims were declared a danger to shipping. Hippos fled for their lives throughout her Kariba excursion. My swimming pool is nearly twice that size, big as an upside down inside out Ayer’s Rock.

Wooing buxom lovelies has ended in abject failure. My herb garden yielded a sparse pot noodle garnish before being massacred by Stankie (a Bond villain cunningly disguised as a Pug). So, I’m looking for new distractions besides the Moroccan boy.

I’m assembling a water ballet ensemble, or synchronised swimming team. Nine Maillot clad mermaids in floral bathing caps to winsomely scull through the water for my amusement as I recline, sipping mint juleps silently proffered by Mustafa.

3 comments:

Shiny said...

How about macrame? I am pretty (well, a little bit) sure that those fabulous macrame pot plant holders would make fabulous gifts this Christmas... x

fush and chips said...

That, or a frog made out of seashells, playing a small guitar, with "From Margate with Love" at the base.

Joanne said...

I am sure your neighbour will oblige with some winsome totty ? Not sure of sexuality though....