Thursday, 11 December 2008

Pace and Clarity

Tourist: “Jesus H tap-dancing Christ, that lion’s close!”
Guide: “Don’t worry, they only attack if you’re wearing Brut aftershave.”

Him: “Is this rope strong enough to hold us?”
Me: “Of course.  It’s been tested to 800 kilojoules to foot pound.”

Her: “Isn’t 120km/h a bit fast for a muddy dirt road?”
Me: ”Of course not! These lateral cambers can handle 200km/h.”

Trust Me
All these specious answers have one thing in common; pace and clarity. Say anything, no matter how preposterous, with brisk pace,  assured clarity, a pinch of convincing detail, and people will believe you, every time a coconut. It’s served me well, from the boardroom to the bedroom.

Of Course I'm Sure!
If not for pace and clarity, safari guides, motor mechanics, and all echelons of management would be out of a job. The safari guide can’t be sure that you won’t get eaten, but a snappy answer stops your terrified bleating, and gets you out of his hair.

Try it today. Your money back if anyone doesn’t buy it hook, line and sinker.


tam said...

Excellent advice. It came just in time for me, too. I shall definitely use this. No more measured thoughtful speech, it just makes you sound ill-informed! hoorah, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Bullshit baffles brains!
Works every time.

Miranda said...

you got it!

Reya Mellicker said...

My sister sometimes says to me, "Reya, is this something you really know or are you bluffing?"

Most people fall for my know-it-all attitude. It's quite convincing.

So - no worries about that lion. Relax about the rope. Everything's fine, just FINE!