Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Jesús the Tequila Worm


The entity you previously knew as fushandchips is long since gone, replaced by Jesús Montoya, Tequila Worm Extraordinaire. After one or ten too many Cuervos last night, he’s seized the reins of my brain and is now in control of my limbs. Look deep into my bloodshot eyes and behind them you’ll see an impish worm behind the wheel, in racing goggles and a jaunty scarf. 

Shanks Bashing
My last blurry memory is of trying to chat up someone or something in a little black dress, followed by a short savage burst of Tourette’s, then suavely kicking in the toilets at the Craighall YMCA. Thereafter is no data. 

Pink Milk Fruitless
Bygones. Focus. Back to the present. This hangover’s got my number. All the usual cures- bacon and eggs, Sterie Stumpie pink milk, date rape strength painkillers- have proved useless as trying to flog a steamroller with a feather boa. 

Pray for me.

7 comments:

Janet said...

you need a "green ambulance"
Sparletta Creme Soda followed by another dose of B&E at the local Greasy Spoon

:-)

You have my sympathies

karen said...

Oh, Jesus Montoya of the brain... hideous. Just the thought of tequila makes me ill, and this dates back to a bad experience in 1994!! I think the only thing that helps is to go to sleep for an entire 24 hours in a pitch dark room, then recharge with any radioactively coloured sparletta fizzy drink.. they definitely have medicinal qualities!

tam said...

the Kauai babalas smoothie is excellent. And i agree about the dark room. Prayer, in the meantime.. Sounds like an exorcism is needed.

Shiny said...

Oh no, not Mr Montoya... Bastard. Damn him to hell. Oh wait, he's damned you to hell. Hope you've managed to come back up to the land of the living. One thing I find very unfair, is how much nastier old Mr Montoya becomes as one gets older... Did his mother not teach him to respect his elders? I wish she had.
x

Le laquet said...

Cream of tomato soup followed by more grease!

Chimera said...

'flogging a steam roller with a feather boa'!! genius! I'd go with janet's cure as hair of the dog might not be pertinent on this one..sounds serious!
T x

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