Saturday, 1 November 2008

Bipolar

Every morning I take two white and three yellow pills. At night it’s three yellow ones, three round white pills, a big round white, an orange, and a red if I can’t sleep. It takes two swallows to get them all down. It’s a regimen I resent, but I’ve been on pills so long I honestly couldn’t tell you what I’m like without them.

They help.

Peter Sellers Syndrome
In social situations, I sometimes feel like I’m sobbing inside, floundering in the depression in my brain, while my mouth just witters away in some amusing fashion. Many comedians and artists are or were bipolar. People like: Stephen Fry (above); Jim Carey; John Cleese; Ben Stiller; Tim Burton; Virginia Woolf; and Sylvia Plath. Woolf and Plath met grim ends. 1 in 6 bipolars kill themselves.

Magic Button
If given the option of pushing an imaginary button that would cure me, I’m not sure I’d push it. My condition’s relatively mild. I have most of the benefits of hypomania, a slightly less psychotic form of energy, vitality and exuberance and hopefully, creativity. The depressions are awful, but on good days the soaring highs seem worth it.

9 comments:

Jeannie said...

That's a brave post, Tim, thanks for writing it. I remember reading an interview with Stephen Fry where he discussed the fact that he was bipolar. The creativity is amazing - I enjoy reading everything you write. I'm sad you have to have the downs too though.

fush and chips said...

Thanks Jeannie,
The downs are terrible, but I get really inspired by Stephen Fry's grace and humour about the whole matter,

Chimera said...

As jeanie said, a brave post! i love your ability to convey graphic detail with wit and dark humour and I know that mental health issues (1 in 10 of us) are still so bloody tabboo. Makes me crazy!...oh hang on then...
Love your stuff!!!!!
T x

Reya Mellicker said...

I think you're a genius which requires higher than "normal" highs. Too bad about the lower than "normal" lows.

I'm glad the meds help you. Only wish that we lived in a culture where we weren't so eager to pathologize every thing that doesn't fit into some paradigm.

Variety is the spice of life. I salute you.

fush and chips said...

chimera and reya,
Thanks for the comments. Cariety is indeed the (giddying) spice of life.

The Dotterel said...

Interesting, isn't it. Almost as if it becomes part of your personality (and therefore not something to be 'cured' of).

fush and chips said...

Dotterel,
That's very true, you have to take it on board or crack up.

Janelle said...

for sure the downs make it higher. LOVE your blog...just left a zillion comments on your 21 000 rand lesbian. what a fantastic piece of writing. YOU ROCK! x j

fush and chips said...

janelle,
*blush* thanks so much.